21 day fast...

What a journey this has been, I've been tested, visited by the jezebel spirit, seperated from the world, I've experienced growth, physical manifestations and most importantly, self acceptance. It's been outer-dimensional.
During this 21 day fast, the schedule was to wake up for 5am pray til 6am and the fast lasts til 6pm, in the afternoon you were to join a prayer service from 7-9pm.

Now, the first day had me questioning why I was doing it in the first place, what is this for? Why can't we eat? How does this bring us closer to God?
I felt as if i was thrown into the deep end, I had just joined this new church and suddenly within a few weeks of joining I was beginning pulled into the current of the "Anointed fast".. I did not make it to church that evening. during the beginning of the year I lost the privileged or should i say the convenience of having my car (the same car I have been struggling to maintain for the last 3 years if you know then you know) so being in the cold in the dark and hungry on top of that just wasn't resonating with me at all and i felt a lot of resistance.

The second day of the fast, I woke up at 5 still a little confused but determined to get through it, throughout the day I felt moody, angry I was extremely irritable, the hunger just made me want to stay away from everyone, this day I resulted in seeking alot of answers through my bible, I prayed I left it in Gods hands and went to sleep.

The third day I woke up with the determination to get to the evening service as my church family filled me in on what a great service Tuesdays was..it seemed all odds was against me, no car and severe train strikes in my area..
defiant, I set my day out I got the bus into work and found a few trains that would take me into church, may i add, working with food during a fast could be one of the hardest things I've faced when it comes to food! non the less I held my ground and I made sure before I closed up I took some food ready for 6pm. I remember sitting on a chair in the underground counting down the last minutes til i could eat my wrap and fresh juice, I had some time to kill before service and it was too cold and dark to wait outside.

Anyhow I made it, and to my shock I was the only one there at first..
When the service started I couldn't have been more confused..there were people speaking in tongues pacing back and forth, my church brothers and sisters I recognised, had earphones attached to their tablets/ipads shouting in tongues too!
I couldn't have felt more out of place, I text my friend hastily saying I wanted to leave, and in short he said to find a corner chill out and pray..I was also worried about how I would get home but I had faith that God knew my situation and would help me get home.
He did just that and old friend of mine out of the blue called me and I popped the question over with no hesitation.

The next day I remember being in the gym and feeling extremely frustrated, I got a phonecall and for some reason I just couldn't handle the conversation, I decided I needed to walk out, I ended up outside the gym walking through a field and I just burst into tears..
I felt like I wasn't good enough. I felt like all the questions I had made me feel wrong and ashamed to even have questions. I felt as though I've done my best to live better, I've cut out drinking, clubbing, im working on being slower to anger I've cut out sex, now I can't even eat when I'm hungry? Is this what God wants for me? Is this the life he put me here to live? It's like I'm punishing myself why am I even alive then if i can't enjoy these things? I tried to make it to church yesterday to be surrounded by the right environment and I couldn't have felt more out of place and inadequate, that's what sparked it off.
My friend on the phone told me that God is about to take me on an amazing journey, we do these things because this is a time that we can ask God for him to answer our prayers and to find out what he wants for our lives, it's a time of spiritual strengthening, I was reassured that my questions are completely okay and how i feel is totally okay, and to be easy on myself, God knows my heart and you are doing your absolute best to do right by him it is not going un-noticed. Reassured and eyes all cried out I went back into the gym and killed my session.

A few fasts later, I spoke with another friend of mine who I ran my thoughts by with my experience on the prayer service, he gave me an insight to speaking in tongues and explained that it's okay if I'm not able to and to focus on my relationship with God and what I'm praying for, not to worry about what everyone else is doing.
So I accepted this and decided to pray for the gift to speak tongues, I let go, Had faith and it came. and what a difference that gift made to my prayer experience..wow. I felt completely connected and emotional it was the first time I felt truly dedicated to my prayer. I suddenly felt myself pacing around the house with my headphones on listening to my gospel and I immediately remembered that time I felt out of place by everyone else doing this in church! but day 5 of this fast was amazing, I felt like I had reached a new level of understanding and to think a few days ago I was questioning why I was even alive I was in such a different place and this was only 4 days difference, with honesty, faith and prayer.

The scriptures those last few days were very much about coming to God as you are and being honest, so I didn't hold back and I told God exactly how i was feeling during this time and prayed for his strength to persevere.

It had been a rollercoaster waking up at 5 every morning, some days I was able others I just couldn't lift my head out of my pillow, but I made sure I prayed and fasted throughout the day!

I've been tested, put in uncomfortable environments, I've visited old habits I once enjoyed that now seemed counter productive and meaningless..blessings have come my way, Would you believe during this time the Lord blessed me with the perfect car enabling me to get around and get back to work..(my job is impossible without a car) God is so good, something I had been praying for the last 3 years finally came to pass? I couldn't be more grateful. Things around me are shifting, in the process I've even gotten rid of my instagram of all things, but that's a whole seperate post..

Anyway all in all, this has been an amazing experience today was my last day of the fast and I'm still discovering new things about myself I've learnt to accept, I've grown a community of friendships in Christ I am in such a different place, Living life for God nothing else, not others expectations just him, it's a truly amazing spot to be in right now. I've grown confidence in who I am, he's given me the strength to fight, I've found the direction God has for my life now it is about moving in that path and letting God lead the way through it, I can achieve all things through him.

All the glory to God.

Thank you for reading I hope this encourages some others to embark on this journey too.

The Perfect Gift

How would you treat a gift from God?

You've been given gifts before but it's always hit and miss, maybe it didn't fit, wasn't the right colour, or maybe it had no real use for you?

Can you imagine the perfect gift, everything you've ever wanted all in one special gift! I can see it now, I would use it everyday! Everyone would want it because it's so rare! I would keep it in a safe place where it can't get damaged!

But no one really knows you well enough to find this gift? It can seem somewhat unattainable? You would have to go out there and buy it yourself..And then it wouldn't really be the perfect gift..

And I guess with the other gifts, you should just be grateful someone made the effort right?

Where would someone even get this perfect gift for you anyway?

Imagine having a huge teddy bear you can hug and love? Tell your secrets to? But if only it was real..and you've outgrown that now anyway 

Ok so

Imagine the perfect shoes? You would show them off but you will eventually get bored and want a new pair right? 

Plus you can find shoes anywhere..anyone could have the same pair. 

Alright

So How about, the perfect friend? 

you could have the most fun with them all the time and they would never judge you? 

But then you still need someone to hold at night..?

What about the perfect partner?

Well that would be amazing! But..Nah, I've had my heart broken too many times, the perfect partner? that's like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

So you give up and settle for what you think you deserve? 

After all, you should just be grateful someone even made the effort right?

Well..

Can you imagine being so incredibly and unconditionally loved, that someone believes you deserve to have the perfect gift?

Have you forgotten you are a gift from God in your own right?

God believes you deserve everything your heart truly desires, and he knows EXACTLY what makes you happy. 

So imagine God took all of the things he knows you love and deserve and he created the perfect gift for you? 

The right colour, Size and fit? Someone to hug and tell all your secrets to? Someone you can show off? Someone you can have fun with and would never judge you? keep you warm at night? Accepts your imperfections? Supports you, cherishes you? 

Where would he even find that you wonder.. Does that even exist?

God knows exactly who he has for you, he has spent years and years moulding them to become the perfect partner for you.

What's more funny is they don't even know that what they are going through is just preparing them for when they find you! All the mistakes and heartbreaks,

You walk around with your shattered half 💔 like a piece to a puzzle and when you finally find the other half you want to glue it and hold it together so it doesn't break again, ❤️ that superglue is God. 

"So they are no longer two but one flesh, Therefore what God has joined together, let no one seperate". 

Matthew 19:6

Can you imagine someone specifically designed to become YOUR other half? All the love God has for you wrapped up in a gift? No wonder it takes so long for the delivery!

So tell me..

Once the package has arrived,

How would you treat your gift from God?

Chia Breakfast Bowl.

Seeing as I have been receiving many requests for some Vegan recipes I've decided to dedicated this side of the blog to a good friend of mine who is an amazing cook and specialises in Vegan cuisine. You can visit his insta for inspiration here: www.instagram.com/stevesibthorp

So first up on our recipe list we have 

Breakfast! 

This dish is high in omega 3 and packed full of great carbs and protein. You could eat something like this before a gym session.

45% fat 45% carbs 10% protein

My Ingredients:

Chia seeds

Almond mylk 

Blueberries

Apple

Hazelnuts

Brazil nuts

Almonds

Sunflower seeds

Coconut flakes

Peanut butter.

Instructions I followed: 

Chia seed breakfasts are one of the easiest deliciously healthy breakfasts you can make. Packed with omega 3 and good fats (we need this!)

You could use home made mylk, or you can simply buy a carton of almond mylk.

First you'll need to mix 2 small cups of mylk with 4 - 5 table spoons of chia seeds then leave to set in the fridge for around 10 minutes.

Once it's reached the desired consistency then simply decorate with toppings of your choice. Personally I like the chia seeds to be covered in crunchy ingredients because the texture of chia seeds can be off putting to some (like me, but I don't like porridge-jee) adding contrasting textures makes it more enjoyable.

This is a great way to get some vital nutrients and energy into your morning!

Happy eating!

Growing out healthy long curls

It's been a while since I've done any kind of hair update and it's a little shameful to have to send so many people back to my really old videos so I am going to remake a lot of them with all my new routines!


The first one up, My current hair products that have helped me grow out my hair super long and healthy!

Happiness.

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Just some random thoughts this evening... and after an extremely pointless conversation with an individual and the feeling of deflation that quickly sufficed after this.
I call this random train of thought: Mediocre.

Mediocre

Every single person deserves happiness.

We deserve that feeling when you tuck into your favorite dessert.

The feeling you get when you thought you finished all your fries and then see a bunch at the bottom of the bag.

We deserve that feeling when you finally see your loved one at the airport after being separated for so long.

We deserve that happiness in a good morning text.

We deserve that feeling of sheer freedom in happiness, watching your favorite artist perform, The adrenaline from riding the fastest rollercoaster!

Endless laughs with the best company.

There is no measurement on happiness

Settle for nothing less than this feeling in every moment of life.

The freedom to speak freely, as wild, as elaborately coloured as magical,  as preposterous your thoughts may be lets paint the world with our ideas.

No one on this planet has the right to make you feel anything less than happy, let no one steal that.

There are many confused people here on Earth, I’ve learnt that Hurt people hurt people.

Be selfish with your own happiness, remove the root that is spoiling your branches of happiness, it is your right!

Soak it up! At the very entrance of happiness, lap it up engulf yourself in a field of happiness, roll through endless vibrations of happiness, manifest on the endorphins and enhance the moment, take a second to get lost in the feeling for however long it lasts.

Lastly, don't make someONE your happiness, happiness is not in form. It is a feeling.
Making happiness a form allows it to walk away from you and leaves you empty. 
Instead capture the feeling like you are trying to harvest solar powered energy that you can access at any time.

Nothing lasts forever. Neither Sadness, nor Happiness. They come and go like waves in the ocean. Accept this.

So,

Until the next wave.

Thank you Happiness I’ll see you again pretty soon.

Dealing with Friendships and Loneliness

"Hi Jeemun, would you do a YouTube video or blogpost on friendships and loneliness? I know that I, and many others would be interested. X"

Thank you for writing in! I've made a video and a vlog post for ya!

In life we have ups and downs, and loneliness is something that everyone goes through at some point in their life.

The first thing I would say, is you have to understand the feeling of loneliness itself.

Banana Oatmeal Pancake Recipe

Ok so!

Here goes my very first recipe post!!

As a kid I grew up eating Banana Fritters, I always looked forward to seeing the bananas start to ripe because I knew it meant fritters would come along at some point. Seems to be a Grenadian staple in the house as it's the only thing you can do with the over ripe bananas lying on the counter..

So as I'm training I can't over indulge on those treats like I used to and came up with a healthy alternative that quite frankly taste satisfyingly similar