21 day fast...

What a journey this has been, I've been tested, visited by the jezebel spirit, seperated from the world, I've experienced growth, physical manifestations and most importantly, self acceptance. It's been outer-dimensional.
During this 21 day fast, the schedule was to wake up for 5am pray til 6am and the fast lasts til 6pm, in the afternoon you were to join a prayer service from 7-9pm.

Now, the first day had me questioning why I was doing it in the first place, what is this for? Why can't we eat? How does this bring us closer to God?
I felt as if i was thrown into the deep end, I had just joined this new church and suddenly within a few weeks of joining I was beginning pulled into the current of the "Anointed fast".. I did not make it to church that evening. during the beginning of the year I lost the privileged or should i say the convenience of having my car (the same car I have been struggling to maintain for the last 3 years if you know then you know) so being in the cold in the dark and hungry on top of that just wasn't resonating with me at all and i felt a lot of resistance.

The second day of the fast, I woke up at 5 still a little confused but determined to get through it, throughout the day I felt moody, angry I was extremely irritable, the hunger just made me want to stay away from everyone, this day I resulted in seeking alot of answers through my bible, I prayed I left it in Gods hands and went to sleep.

The third day I woke up with the determination to get to the evening service as my church family filled me in on what a great service Tuesdays was..it seemed all odds was against me, no car and severe train strikes in my area..
defiant, I set my day out I got the bus into work and found a few trains that would take me into church, may i add, working with food during a fast could be one of the hardest things I've faced when it comes to food! non the less I held my ground and I made sure before I closed up I took some food ready for 6pm. I remember sitting on a chair in the underground counting down the last minutes til i could eat my wrap and fresh juice, I had some time to kill before service and it was too cold and dark to wait outside.

Anyhow I made it, and to my shock I was the only one there at first..
When the service started I couldn't have been more confused..there were people speaking in tongues pacing back and forth, my church brothers and sisters I recognised, had earphones attached to their tablets/ipads shouting in tongues too!
I couldn't have felt more out of place, I text my friend hastily saying I wanted to leave, and in short he said to find a corner chill out and pray..I was also worried about how I would get home but I had faith that God knew my situation and would help me get home.
He did just that and old friend of mine out of the blue called me and I popped the question over with no hesitation.

The next day I remember being in the gym and feeling extremely frustrated, I got a phonecall and for some reason I just couldn't handle the conversation, I decided I needed to walk out, I ended up outside the gym walking through a field and I just burst into tears..
I felt like I wasn't good enough. I felt like all the questions I had made me feel wrong and ashamed to even have questions. I felt as though I've done my best to live better, I've cut out drinking, clubbing, im working on being slower to anger I've cut out sex, now I can't even eat when I'm hungry? Is this what God wants for me? Is this the life he put me here to live? It's like I'm punishing myself why am I even alive then if i can't enjoy these things? I tried to make it to church yesterday to be surrounded by the right environment and I couldn't have felt more out of place and inadequate, that's what sparked it off.
My friend on the phone told me that God is about to take me on an amazing journey, we do these things because this is a time that we can ask God for him to answer our prayers and to find out what he wants for our lives, it's a time of spiritual strengthening, I was reassured that my questions are completely okay and how i feel is totally okay, and to be easy on myself, God knows my heart and you are doing your absolute best to do right by him it is not going un-noticed. Reassured and eyes all cried out I went back into the gym and killed my session.

A few fasts later, I spoke with another friend of mine who I ran my thoughts by with my experience on the prayer service, he gave me an insight to speaking in tongues and explained that it's okay if I'm not able to and to focus on my relationship with God and what I'm praying for, not to worry about what everyone else is doing.
So I accepted this and decided to pray for the gift to speak tongues, I let go, Had faith and it came. and what a difference that gift made to my prayer experience..wow. I felt completely connected and emotional it was the first time I felt truly dedicated to my prayer. I suddenly felt myself pacing around the house with my headphones on listening to my gospel and I immediately remembered that time I felt out of place by everyone else doing this in church! but day 5 of this fast was amazing, I felt like I had reached a new level of understanding and to think a few days ago I was questioning why I was even alive I was in such a different place and this was only 4 days difference, with honesty, faith and prayer.

The scriptures those last few days were very much about coming to God as you are and being honest, so I didn't hold back and I told God exactly how i was feeling during this time and prayed for his strength to persevere.

It had been a rollercoaster waking up at 5 every morning, some days I was able others I just couldn't lift my head out of my pillow, but I made sure I prayed and fasted throughout the day!

I've been tested, put in uncomfortable environments, I've visited old habits I once enjoyed that now seemed counter productive and meaningless..blessings have come my way, Would you believe during this time the Lord blessed me with the perfect car enabling me to get around and get back to work..(my job is impossible without a car) God is so good, something I had been praying for the last 3 years finally came to pass? I couldn't be more grateful. Things around me are shifting, in the process I've even gotten rid of my instagram of all things, but that's a whole seperate post..

Anyway all in all, this has been an amazing experience today was my last day of the fast and I'm still discovering new things about myself I've learnt to accept, I've grown a community of friendships in Christ I am in such a different place, Living life for God nothing else, not others expectations just him, it's a truly amazing spot to be in right now. I've grown confidence in who I am, he's given me the strength to fight, I've found the direction God has for my life now it is about moving in that path and letting God lead the way through it, I can achieve all things through him.

All the glory to God.

Thank you for reading I hope this encourages some others to embark on this journey too.